


Living A Lie

by StormyBear30



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-17
Updated: 2011-03-17
Packaged: 2017-10-17 01:49:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/171681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brian ends up living a lie, but what is the cost of this lie to Michael.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Living A Lie

“Brian…what are you doing here” Lindsay rushes out with an astonished look upon her face.

“It’s Sunday. We always have brunch on Sunday” I gently remind her…holding up the bag of bagels from my favorite deli before her startled eyes.

“Didn’t you get my message?” she asks…standing in the doorway of the home I have visited every Sunday for the last few years. “I left it on your voicemail. I had to cancel brunch today because…”

“Come on Linds…my world famous chocolate chip pancakes are ready and…” I watch as Michael walks up to the doorway a beautiful smile spread across his face. It’s the one that covers his entire face…ebbing into those dark eyes that had up until a few months ago always looked at me with complete love and admiration…but now look at me with pain filled indifference. “Brian…” he whispers my name as the three of us stand here completely uncomfortable and unsure on what to do or say next.

“Mikey…” I reply…barely above a whisper because the truth of the matter is that I don’t think that I could speak any louder if I wanted to.

“You know Linds…I am really not feeling very well after all and I think that I will just go home” he speaks quickly…grabbing his jacket from off of the coat rack before pushing his way past me.

“Mikey wait…” I call out behind him…grabbing him on his shoulder as I try to stop him from leaving the place that he was obviously invited to.

“Don’t you fucking touch me…and don’t you ever call me Mikey again” he spits out…turning on me so fast that I almost lose my balance in the process.

I can’t do anything but nod in reply as he glares at me with eyes for full of cold hate that it shoots right to my very soul. “You…you don’t have to leave on my account” I stammer trying like hell to control the tears that are threatening to consume me at the amount of hurt and damage I have inflicted on my once best friend and former lover. “I didn’t know you were here and…I’m sorry Michael” I blurt out…unable to finish my sentence as I leave him and Lindsay staring after me as I race towards my parked car across the street. It’s almost impossible…but I control them. However…once I reach the home that I once shared with Michael…I quickly give up the battle. Racing into the house…I rush into the room where so many memorable moments have taken place. Flinging myself across the bed I allow them to consume me. Never in my life have I cried as many tears over one single person as I have for him. They are tears of frustration at knowing that I broke the heart that he gave so freely to me without the slightest bit of regard. I took the love that he also gave so freely…despite the fact that I rarely ever returned it the way that he deserved and destroyed it. He hates me…they both do and how the hell can I blame them. I can still remember the exact day that I made the biggest mistake of my life. Ok…maybe it wasn’t the hugest mistake in my life…more like the best mistake in my life…but I was to stupid to realize it then.

Flashback…

My life was a jumbled mess during that time. It seemed that I was just drifting along on the sea of life and I had no direction or control whatsoever. Justin had finally gotten tired of my bullshit and dumped me for what he exclaimed to be the last time. At first I just laughed it off…because the truth of the matter was that he and I had been playing the break up to make up game for many years before that…but soon I realized that I seemed to be the only one playing the game anymore. Two weeks after he and I split he took a job working for a German art dealer and hightailed it overseas. I was stunned and believe it or not hurt beyond belief. I tried to put on the I don’t give a shit persona that I was so well known for…and everyone once again believed it because the truth of the matter was that I had been playing this character so long that even I didn’t know who the real me was any longer. Yeah…everyone fell for my deception…everyone except for one…everyone but Michael. Michael still knew the person inside…the one that I had buried so deeply within my subconscious that I knew that I would never find him again.

Mere days after Justin left I fell back into my tricking and drugging ways…trying like hell to erase the pain. This behavior continued for months afterwards because I just didn’t care anymore. Since Justin had left me alone I was found myself just going through the motions and I was more miserable then I had ever felt before. Michael’s life wasn’t fairing any better…but I was to focused on my own selfish needs to notice right away. It all became crystal clear one night as I prowled the back room of Babylon in search for my nightly prey and instead of finding him…I found Michael. At first I thought that it was the trail mix that Anita had given me earlier…because there was no way that I was seeing my best friend pressed against the cum crusted walls getting his ass fucked by some leather clad asshole. Shaking my head I tried to clear my vision…but when I opened my eyes I found a pair of dark brown eyes staring at me with tears blazing down his face. I knew right then and there that things with Michael and Ben were over for good…but what I didn’t know was why. I waited outside…puffing on a cigarette…until Michael came out. No words were spoken as we walked to my car…in fact none were spoken until we reached the loft and he broke down in my arms.

I found out afterwards that he and Ben had in fact broken up…and much to my surprise the cause of the break up was that Ben had been caught cheating on Michael. I was completely stunned as he went on with his story…because as far as I knew Ben and Michael had the perfect storybook love affair going on. I asked him why he hadn’t told me what he had been going through as we prepared for bed…and what he told me broke my already barely beating heart even more. “I didn’t think you’d care” he said tearfully…crawling across the expanse of the bed before hiding under the covers. I couldn’t believe that he would think that…couldn’t believe that I had been so focused on my own pain that I never once noticed that he as falling apart as well. I wanted to make things better…wanted to take away the pain and the loneness that seemed to be plaguing both of our hearts. It was at the very moment that I made the worst and the best mistake in my life. I still don’t know where the brilliant idea came from…but before I knew what I was doing I was sliding across the bed. Jerking the comforter away from him I pulled him into a sitting position uttering words that till this day still haunt me. “Marry me Mikey”

He just sat there…mouth hanging open as he looked over at me with eyes so full of shock and then bone crushing sadness. “Don’t do this to me Brian” he whispered…his tear flow growing even more as he tried to pull out of my arms. I had no idea what I was doing…but my emotions and my adrenalin were running high as I tightened my grip before attacking his still stunned lips with my own. He tried to fight me…I have to give him credit for that but as usual when it came to me and the way that I kissed him…he was no match. “I mean it Mikey…marry me” I rushed out…moments later after breaking our lip tussle. “We can leave tonight. We can drive to Vermont and make it legal and…”

“Brian…do you even love me?” he asked and it was a fair question and yet one that I really had no true answer for. I loved Mikey…I had always loved him in the sense of a best friend…but what I didn’t know was if I could ever love him then more then that. I really didn’t know what my motives were…but once again before I couldn’t control my mouth as I uttered those words that I had known he had wanted to hear for too many years to count. “Yes…I love you Mikey”

“Please Brian…don’t play with my emotions” he sobbed…breaking my heart even more at the look of such hope and yet so much fear screaming from his eyes. “You know that I am in love with you…that I have always been in love with you. Don’t tell me that you love me only because you don’t want to be alone anymore. I won’t put up with an arrangement like you and Justin had” And the rest of his words just seemed to fade away at the mention of that name. I knew that at the moment that what I was doing was wrong…but I was cocky and sure that despite everything that I could make this work and maybe find happiness in the process. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath I once again captured his lips under my own…kissing him with everything that I was worth in order to prove to him that he was what I wanted. He didn’t put up much of a fight after that as he melted in my arms before we made love for the first time. An hour later we were in my car…flying down the highway towards our new future when Michael turned to face me with a look of pure fear blazing across his face. “Promise me that you are not marrying me because Justin hurt you. Promise me that you are doing this for us and not to get back at him. Please Brian…before we go any further I need to know that this is not just revenge on Justin”

Pulling the car over to the side of the road…I turned off the engine as I tried to figure out what to say next. I didn’t want to lie to him…but I didn’t want to tell him the truth either. I was marrying him in order to get back at Justin and what better way then to marry the man he hated most in the world. I still didn’t know what my true feelings for Michael were…but what I did know was that they would never compare to what I felt for Justin. Marriage to Michael served two purposes…one was revenge and the other was the hope to end the mind numbing loneness that Justin had placed deep within my cold heart. “I promise” I spoke quickly…looking at him with a small smile before starting the car up again and driving off. My words seemed to satisfy him for he never said another word the entire rest of the ride.

The wedding was tacky and rushed…but not once during the entire ceremony did he ever stop smiling. I could see the utter happiness and pure love that he felt for me as he walked down the short aisle…nervously taking my hand before turning to face the minister. The ceremony was extremely short as we signed the legal document binding our two lives together in what I hoped would be forever. We found a nice hotel afterwards…where he begged me to carry him across the threshold in some straight laced tradition that for some reason pissed me off more then anything. I refused to do it as I rushed past him into the room…grabbing him by the hand as I jerked him into the bedroom where I proceeded to fuck him senseless. Afterwards as he slept besides me my mind began to wonder…images of Justin invading my brain. I wondered if I hadn’t fucked things up with him if he and I would have been where Mikey and I were at the very night. I wondered if it would have been him walking down that aisle to merge our lives…him whining for me to carry over the threshold…and him that I made love to on our honeymoon. I felt horrible and dirty because as Michael and I had made love that night…it was a blonde boy with baby blue eyes that I was thinking about…instead of the brunette man with eyes the color of chocolate trust.

I let him deal with the anger and upset from our friends and family once we got back…and boy let me tell you there was a lot of that being thrown around. I got called every name in the book…every threat known to man was spewed from lips of supposed loved ones and yet I didn’t care. I didn’t care that they were threatening to castrate me…threatening to murder me in my sleep…because all I cared about was that Justin had left me and I was now married to a man that I didn’t think I really had feelings for more then friendship. Despite all that I pressed on. I played the game of the happy husband…giving up the tricking…the drugging as we settled into a somewhat stable home life. Six months into our marriage Michael began to hint around that he wanted to move out of the loft and into a real home. I put up a great fight…not wanting to give up the only real thing to me…but by the seventh month we were moving into our new home and the loft was on the market. I shed real tears on the day that I turned the keys over to the new owner. It was as if I was giving up on my past…on who I was…but most importantly that I was giving up on Justin.

Suburbia was a nightmare in itself…one that I just knew that I was never going to wake up from. We bought a house not to far from where the Lesbians lived because it was close to both of our children. Before I knew what was happening I was being forced to share backyard BBQ’s with our straight neighbors…who claimed to accept us homosexuals…but their eyes said something else to me. I became a regular member of the PTA of our children’s school…despite the fact that I flat out told Michael that I wanted nothing to do with it. Gone was the fancy car and in it’s place a SUV/mini van…that at no matter what angle you looked at it in my mind was still a fucking mini van. I felt lost and alone as the once vibrant stud of Liberty Avenue became an almost carbon copy of father knows best. I hated my life…hated what I had allowed myself to turn into…but most of all I was beginning to hate the man that I put all the blame upon.

There was no denying that Michael loved me with his whole heart and soul. I could just look into his dark eyes and read how happy he was that he had finally gotten his man…and that only served to anger me more. He went out of his way to try and make me happy…but how can you make someone happy that refuses to accept the meaning of the word. He played the happy homemaker to perfection because that was what he longed for from as long as I had known him. The house was always spic and span…without the aid of housekeeper. He had a drink in my hand the moment I walked into the door…followed by a kiss of welcome into the home that we shared. Right after we got married he began taking cooking classes…because neither one of us really knew how to cook. Dinners were always drawn out occasions where we would stuff ourselves on his delicious works of art as he told me everything about his day. I…on the other hand would remain sullen and silent as I downed at least two more drinks before the meal was done. Afterwards I would usually excuse myself from the table in order to work on something business related. However…I always ended up sitting in my office…drink in hand as I seethed about how fucking horrible my life was as I stared at a picture of Justin and myself. I often wondered about him…wondered if he was happy or if he ever thought about me in passing.

Weekends were the worst for me out of all the days of the week…because it seemed that for those two days I was forced to play the game of happy husband even more. Saturday nights were what Michael liked to call “Cuddle Time” It was a ritual that he brought into the marriage and one that he refused to let go of. Since we had tied the knot we had stopped going to Babylon altogether. He said it was because we were married and had each other and there was really no need to still be a part of the meat market. What I took from that was he didn’t trust me…and “Cuddle Time was his way of trying to make it up to me. The problem was that I hated “Cuddle Time” with an undying passion. I dreaded the drive home after a long day at work…dreaded the very notion that other hot men were out doing what I really wanted to be doing…and all I had to look forward to was the same boring routine. It was always the same…he’d meet me at the door with drink in hand. Welcome me home with a kiss…before escaping into the kitchen in preparation of our evening. Saturdays he opted for a more laid back meal…which usually ended up being several different varieties of finger and junk food…as we watched whatever movies he had rented earlier that day. We would eat…swap idle chitchat…more from him then me…and then we would end on the couch as we watched said movies. Afterwards after being bored out of my mind we would make our way to bed where we would have extremely predictable sex. Don’t get me wrong…sex with Michael was good and no matter what I always got off…but I craved more. I wanted multiply partners…wanted to experience a new ass everyday…but the one and only time that I mentioned it to Michael he had locked himself in the bathroom and refused to come out for hours afterwards. After that I never brought it up again…at least for that first year of our marriage.

Sundays consisted of the two of us tending to the huge lawn that Michael insisted on having…then spending the evening at Debbie’s for pasta night. I loathed Sundays almost as much as I did Saturdays…with one exception because on Sunday’s Deb always read her weekly letter from Justin. It was worth it to suffer through uncomfortable and trite dinner conversation in order to get some news about him. In his latest letter he had told Deb about how much he loved living in Germany and just how popular his artwork was there. It seemed that with a little tutelage from his former boss the art dealer…he was well on his way to becoming quite rich and famous. I liked to close my eyes as she read the letter to us…Michael sitting beside me stiff as a board…because despite the fact that Justin was no longer in his face…he still hated him with an undying passion. I liked to pretend that I was right there along side him as Debbie read of his exploits…enjoying the sensations that washed over me at the thought of being with my sunshine once again. However…they never lasted long because as soon as Deb finished with the letter…Michael was always jerking me off of the couch alerting everyone that we had to leave. I began to hate him even more for that. In fact I began to hate everything about him and the life that I hated with an undying passion as each day passed. I never said a word to him about any of it…maybe I should have…but by the second year of our marriage I was at the breaking point.

By the time year two rolled around I was miserable and hateful. I no longer tried to hide the fact that I was unhappy and because of it poor Michael was the one to suffer. He never once stopped trying to make me love him…to prove to me that he could make me happy…but what he didn’t know was that being with another was the only thing that would make me happy. I would pick fights for no reason whatsoever…stupid nonsense fights that were for the purpose of making him just as miserable as I was. I blamed him for everything because in my fucked up mind if I was going to hurt…by god then so was he. Two weeks after celebrating our two-year wedding anniversary I gave him an ultimatum…either we started allowing other partners in our bed or I wasn’t going to put out anymore. Michael was devastated and spent two whole days at his mother’s house before he came back home and relented. That very night after hitting Babylon in such a long time…we took our first trick home. I thought somehow that doing just that would make me happier…make being a married man less burdensome…but it really didn’t change much. That night…after the first trick had been fucked marked the beginning of the end of the marriage…to the whole relationship of Brian and Mikey. At first it was just one or two a month…but soon afterwards it became one or two every couple of weeks…then blowing up into one or two a week. Some night Michael participated…most nights he just sat off to the side watching as I proved to him that he was never going to be enough for me. I don’t know if he ever put two and two together…but I am sure that he did…but each trick that we picked up was blonde haired and blue eyed and resembled someone that was very close to me heart.

I knew that I was hurting Michael…knew that I was more then likely ripping his heart out…but I didn’t care. He tried his best to show that everything was fine…especially in front of our friends and family…but I could see the strain. I was a bastard to him…a totally fucking heartless bastard who put him through a hell that no one should have to go through and I felt horrible for it. Sure…I felt horrible but not horrible enough to stop what I was doing. Instead I allowed the “Cuddle Time” to continue…making sure to give up the tricks…at least for the weekend in order to spend some alone time with him. He always took the little that I gave him…plastering himself within my arms from the time that I entered the house that evening…until the next morning as we prepared for the household duties of the day. After that it was life as usual in the Kinney/Novotny household.

Twenty-nine months into out new relationship another turn of events took place that basically shattered the already crumbling marriage between the two of us. Michael decided that he wanted a baby to love and care for since he wasn’t getting what he had expected from me. I was hateful and indigent when I told him in no uncertain terms that we were not going to add a baby to our already fucked up lives. I saw his heart shatter into a million pieces through eyes that he could never hide anything from me. As usual he locked himself in the bathroom…refusing to come out and after an hour of trying I gave up and went to bed. I had a huge client to deal with the next day and nothing…not even Michael’s broken heart was going to detour me from being brilliant. I felt him slide into bed after a little more time had passed…heard him cry softly as he laid on his side of the bed as far away from me as possible. I felt bad for about a second…but then the rage hidden inside me began to break through and I did something I had never done to him before…I forced myself upon him. His cries of protest were loud and I heard every one of them…but as per the norm he soon gave up the fight and gave into me. I fucked him long and hard that night and when we were done I rolled over and fell off to sleep…leaving him to deal with the aftermath. The next morning he acted as if everything was fine and dandy…but as he limped past me in order to get the breakfast he had prepared…I knew there was nothing fine and dandy about us anymore.

The final straw came a few months later at another one of Debbie’s horrible pasta nights. Michael and I were barely speaking to each other after another round of arguing and fighting just minutes before we got there. I don’t even remember what it was about anymore…just that it was another of an endless stream of arguments that we had been having all along. The night was a total dud as we all sat in uncomfortable silence…only to get worse as Debbie announced something that sent my heart soaring and his crashing at the same time. Justin was coming home. The blonde haired love of my life was coming back to Liberty Avenue for only a short time…but as far as I was concerned it was going to be long enough. I didn’t know what I was going to do…only that I had to see him again no matter what…even if it meant destroying Michael in the process.

Two weeks to the date Justin breezed back into my life and the transformation was incredible. He didn’t even look like the same kids who had left nearly three years prior. Oh don’t get me wrong…basically he was the same…with just a few changes. He had the same gorgeous blonde head…same sparkling blue eyes that I had been dreaming about from the moment he had dumped me…but there was no denying that he was not the same Justin from before. He had always been cocky and sure…but he looked older…looked more mature and had a European air about him that nearly drove me wild. I wanted him the first moment that I laid eyes upon him and there was no denying that he still wanted me as thirty minutes after laying eyes upon him at Deb’s house…he had me pinned against the wall of the bathroom. His lips descended upon mine without question and who was I to push away what I had wanted more then anything myself. I started seeing him behind Michael’s back right away and despite the fact that I thought I was being discrete about it…Michael eventually found out and all hell broke loose in an instant.

I can still remember it like it was yesterday. I can remember the sights…the sounds of it all…but what I remember most of all was the light that died in Michael’s eyes. I never really gave Michael enough credit for anything that he did in life. I always assumed that he was always going to be the naive little boy who just looked away as I fucked up left and right. I should have realized that even dear sweet Michael had his breaking point and Justin was it. I could have fucked just about any man on the planet and Michael would have probably been able to find it in his heart to forgive me…but there was no forgiveness when it came to Justin and deep in my heart I knew that. He found us deep within the throws of passion…locked up in a ritzy hotel hand picked by Justin. I don’t know how he did it…but as I was about to shoot my load up his beautiful pale ass…Michael threw open the door with Ted and Emmett in tow. He didn’t say a word the entire time that it took for the two of us to scramble for our clothing…but I already knew what he was thinking by the look of pure heartache upon his face. Ted and Emmett on the other hand not once stopped their incessant screaming as they verbally assaulted Justin and myself. His silence was killing me as I sat on the edge of the bed…eyes locked with his as I tried like hell to come up with some excuse for what he had walked in on. I wanted him to say something…anything because then I could play off of those words…but what he said next only stunned and silenced me even more. “You promised me” he spoke so softly that I truly had to strain to hear it. I could hear the pain and betrayal in his voice and it caused my own heart to break…but not enough to go after him when he stormed out.

I found him hours later passed out on the couch…several empty liquor bottles surrounding him. It had been years since I had seen Michael like that as I gathered him in my arms and placed him in the bed that I knew we were to share no more. I had made my decision hours before hand as I walked the cold and crowded streets of Liberty Avenue that the marriage that was Michael and Brian was to be no more. Justin had told me that he wanted me back on a permanent level and my heart had soared. I couldn’t wait to start my life anew with him…despite the fact that it was the expense of my husband and one time best friend. I felt bad for what I was about to do…but not bad enough to not try to give Justin and I another chance. With a heavy hearted sigh I made sure that he was ok before settling down for the night on the couch. I woke up hours later to find him sitting in an over stuffed chair across the room just staring at me. “Mikey…” I said groggily…trying to get my bearings straight.

“Did you ever love me Brian?” he asked sadly…his eyes boring into mine as he searched for my answer. I knew that even if I tried to lie to him that my eyes would give me dead away and so I decided to come clean with him.

I thought about my answer before speaking…but honestly no matter how I tried whatever answer I gave him was going to hurt him. “We never should have married Michael” I stalled…unable to speak the words that he wanted to hear.

“That’s not what I asked you Brian” he went on. “I want to know if you ever loved me?”

“I loved you as a best friend loves a best friend” I finally got the nerve to speak the truth. “But I was never in love with you…no” I heard the sharp intake of breath…followed by a muffled sigh before he covered his mouth with his hand in order to control his tears. “Mikey…”

“You can keep the house and everything that is in it. All I want is the van and a few things that I brought with me” he spoke unevenly…somewhat composed…but still trying to control the tears that threatened to consume him. “I’ll go stay with my mother for the time being until I can find another place to live” I couldn’t believe that it was going to be that easy as I watched him get up off the chair…making his was back into the bedroom. “I know that you and Justin are going to be getting back together…but I ask you this…if you ever loved me…or even cared for me just a little…do not let him move into this house. Sell it…bulldoze it to the ground…but please Brian…don’t let him live here. This is our place and I want to always remember it as that”

“I’m sorry Michael” I belted out towards his retreating figure. “I never meant for any of this to happen” I tried to console him…ok I really tried to console myself…but it worked for neither of us.

“I’ll have my stuff out of here by the end of the week” was his saddened reply as he slunk his way back into the room…closing the door softly behind him. It was hours before I fell asleep again and as I cautiously entered our bedroom later that morning I found it void of him and all his belongings. It seemed that he had packed through the night…escaping soundlessly into the early morning in order to avoid seeing me again. I was such a mumbled mess of confused emotions as I sat down on the bed…lying back across his pillow as I tried to make sense of everything that had happened and was about to happen.

Justin and I soon began seeing each other after that night…but not once did he ever step foot in our house. We would always meet at his hotel or the back room of Babylon. Everything was great at the beginning…but soon I began to realize that where once we shared a common goal of fucking our heads off…it was no longer all that I thought about. I longed for more…a hell of a lot more but Justin wasn’t willing to give me what I needed. The truth of the matter was that only after a few weeks of being back with Justin…I soon learned that I wasn’t in love with him after all. Sure…he was handsome and rich…exciting and always up for a challenge…but those weren’t qualities that I longed for as much as I once had. Sadly…I realized way to late that I missed Michael…that he was the one that I longed for…but most importantly that I was head over heels in love with him. I ended things with Justin after my revelation and just as I expected it ended badly. He was pissed off that I wasn’t man enough to stay with him…called me names that normally would have sent me over the edge…but in truth I didn’t care any longer. He finally dismissed me…telling me to run home to second best with my tail between my legs. However…I quickly informed him that Michael was anything but second best before punching him in the mouth for good measure.

I hadn’t been home for a few days since I was too busy trying to relive my glory years with Justin…but as soon as I entered the door the hard honest truth hit me like a ten-ton brick. He had been back in those few days…taking with him some of the mementos that we had accumulated over the years. The picture of the two of us that he had insisted we take after buying the house was gone. The place above the mantel where it once hung was empty as if it had never been there before. I noticed that every single picture of the two of us had been removed from throughout the house and I had thought that maybe Michael had brought them with him…giving me a glimmer of hope that I could somehow win him back. However…all hope died in an instant as I found the pictures shredded to pieces in the kitchen garbage can. Picking up the shredded remains I clutched them to my heart as I fell to the cool clean floor and broke completely apart. I wallowed in self pity for days afterwards…trying to figure out what the fuck was wrong with me. How it was that I had allowed everything to become so mucked up and confused. I brow beat myself constantly at not realizing that I truly did love Michael and that I always had. I quickly realized that I had been so fearful of being alone that I sacrificed the only good thing in my life…Michael’s undying love and friendship. I didn’t want to be alone…but at the same time I was still holding on to my fears of commitment and the sharing of lives with one person that I set up us for failure from the start. There was no one else to blame but me and yet I also knew that I was the only one that could put us back together as well…that was if he’d let me. I had no idea what I was going to do…what I was going to say…but I knew that I had to do something. Michael was special and gave of his love freely and I knew that it was just a matter of time before someone else realized that and I lost him for good. I needed to talk to someone…someone that would understand my stupidity and hopefully help me though it. That person was Lindsey…and I just hoped and prayed that she could help me…because if she couldn’t I didn’t know who else could. What I didn’t expect was to find Michael there the morning that I attempted to ask for help…and now I have no idea what to do.

End Flashback…

It’s been days since the confrontation with Michael on the steps of Lindsey’s porch…days since I have seen or heard from anyone. Every single one of the people that I cherish in my life hates me with an undying passion. I can’t say that I blame them since I am the one who broke the kindest…sweetest man in the world’s heart. My life is falling apart at the seams and as another long and heart wrenching day without Michael looms ahead of me I can’t help but think that I would be better off leaving this place for good. I can’t help thinking that it would make everyone happy…including myself. I wouldn’t have to deal with the pain of living a life without my soul mate by my side and everyone else would be ecstatic to be rid of the nasty assed Brian Kinney. I contemplate the many ways to complete my task…but it is severally cut short as a tall blonde storms into my room screaming obscenities that make even me blush.

“Get your fucking ass out of bed you son of a bitch” I hear the mother of my child scream out at me…jerking the comforter from off my body before screeching at my naked form. “Jesus…get dressed and meet me in the living room” her banshee like cries continue as he turns away…storming her way out of my room. “I mean it Kinney…get your fucking ass out of bed or I will get you out myself” I know that tone and despite the fact that I like to claim that I am a strong hot shot…when it comes to that tone I know when to back down. I don’t hesitate as I jerk myself out of bed and dress quickly. I don’t know how much she knows about what has happened…but I know that she knows enough to want to kick my ass in the process.

“You want some coffee?” I call out to her as I bypass the living room in hopes of stalling for some time…but she is having none of it as she blows into the kitchen.

“How could you Brian?” she cries out accusingly…but I don’t reply again for not knowing how much she truly knows. “How could you do that to him?”

“Do what?” I pretend to not know what she is talking about as I busy myself with making coffee. I am sure that she doesn’t know the whole story because Michael is for the most part such a private person. But then again no matter how hard he tries to hide his emotions he eyes always give something away. I am sure they know enough to know that I am at fault…that I did something to hurt him…but not the whole truth.

“Don’t you fucking play games with me Brian” she spits out evilly…grabbing the coffee pot out of my hands as she smashes it into the sink. Her actions catch me by surprise as I turn to face her and see a look so ugly upon a normally beautiful face that it forces me to step away from her out of fear. “How could you do that to him? How could you cheat on him with Justin? How could you say those horrible things to him? Jesus Brian…what the fuck has gotten into you?” Her anger is loud and frightful as she begins to advance on me. I want to run…want to cower away from her…but my pride won’t let me as I stand firm and stand my ground.

“It’s none of your fucking business” I grind out through clenched teeth…a smug look upon my face. However…it is a look that soon turns into a grimace of pain as a small…yet painful fist comes barreling my way.

“Michael is my fucking business” she screams hotly within my stunned face. “He is one of my closest friends and the father of one of my children. Anything that you do to hurt him in any way shape or form makes it my fucking business”

“He told you…everything?” I drawl out slowly…still holding onto my bruising cheek as I try to keep from once again falling apart. The truth is that I am on the edge…so close to losing my mind that I don’t know how I will manage to keep sane.

“Not at first…” her words continue…but I notice that they are not as harsh now as she still stands before me. “We knew something was up when he called us Saturday night as asked if he could come over for brunch on Sunday. He said that he just wanted to spend some time with us and with the kids. Mel and I told him that we’d love it if he and you would come over…but he told us that it was going to be just him. I knew something was wrong just by the way that he sounded…but I didn’t push him. That’s why I left the voicemail on your cell phone about canceling. I figured that maybe he just needed some alone time away from you…but never in a million years did I believe that I would hear the story that I heard from him” she walks away in irritation…flipping her hair behind her as he looks at me over her shoulder in pure disgust. “After you left that morning he came back into the house…the two of us sitting at the table as we waited for Mel to bring the kids down. The minute that Gus walked into the room he just lost it. Right there at the fucking table…he literally broke apart. Mel sent the kids back to their rooms and when she came back he told us everything”

“How is he?” I ask…my heart sinking into the pits of my stomach as I lean against the counter for support.

“How do you think he is?” she shouts at me…standing across the room…hands on hips as she glares at me with such anger blazing from here eyes. “He’s utterly shattered. He feels as if his whole world has just fallen apart. It’s as if his heart has been ripped out of his chest and just tossed aside. He….”

“I get it” I scream…pinching the bridge of my nose between my fingers as I inhale sharply to at least try to control my oncoming breakdown. “I fucked up…don’t you think that I know that” I lose the battle as first one…then another heart wrenching sob omits across my over dry lips. “Jesus I totally fucked everything up” I know that I should at least try to control my dignity…but Lindsey has seen my like this before and the fact is that I just don’t fucking care anymore. I don’t care for once if people see the real me…don’t care if I fucking fall apart at their feet because without Michael I just have no reason to give a shit. She is at my side in mere moments as she pulls me into her arms…cradling my head with her hand as I try to hide in he warmth. “He hates me and I have no one to fucking blame but myself” I blubber like a baby…tears pouring from my eyes as she continues to hold me.

“Yeah…he does” she replies sadly…sending my heartbreak level out into the stratosphere. “You really fucked up this time Brian and I don’t know if you can ever fix it”

Immediately my guard flies up as I push her away…wiping the large quantity of tears that have been blazing down my cheeks. “I am Brian fucking Kinney” my words get louder as I walk as far away from her as I can without leaving the actual room. “I love him…I realize that now and I am going to get him back…no matter what. Don’t tell me no” I scream angrily at her…fighting the urge to throw her out as she shakes her head sadly at me. I can feel her pity and it is driving me insane. I don’t want her pity…I don’t need her pity and I sure as hell am not going to put up with her pity. “Sure I fucked up but Michael will forgive me” I speak in monotones…more to myself then her as I try to make myself believe what I am saying. “He always forgives me Linds…you know that”

“Not this time honey…this time you have pushed him to far. I’m sorry to say this Brian…but I don’t think that Michael is going to forgive you this time.” Again I feel her pity…but I have no energy to fight it anymore. My emotions are up and down like a yoyo and I find that I don’t even have the energy to stand anymore as I loose my footing and trip backwards. I don’t feel anything as I sit here on the floor…staring up at an equally tearful Lindsey.

“He has to forgive me. I can’t live without him if he doesn’t” Once again I am over burdened by the hurt that I have inflicted…and the gods honest truth that once and for all I fucked things up severely with Michael that I may not ever be able to fix them.

“Just leave him alone Brian” she whispers sadly…kneeing before me with that same pitiful look upon her face. “Let him come to you…if he comes to you and if he doesn’t just leave him alone so he can be happy” I can’t speak…can’t do much of anything but hide my face within my hands as I come to the realization that she is right. I need to leave him alone…let him live his life. I need to let him come to his own conclusion about the marriage and us that he at one time cherished more then anything.

 

Weeks Later…

It’s been weeks since I have spoken to Michael…weeks since I have laid my eyes upon him and I feel empty and void of life. I am a shell of my former shelf as I stumble through each day with minimal care of anything. My appearance is shaggy and basically unkempt. I don’t care much for work and avoid it as much as possible. Ted and Cynthia are basically running the company that I raised from the ground and I could careless. I haven’t snagged a new client in those weeks and the truth is that I don’t know if I could dazzle them with my charm even if I wanted to. It’s like since Michael has left me he took all the best that I had to offer…leaving me with the shit that doesn’t amount to much. I haven’t seen anyone else either…but I am sure that none of them want to see much of me anyways and how can I blame them. Lindsey tries to call me every few days to make sure that I am still breathing…but it has to constantly be on the sly since Melanie flat out banned her from every talking to me again. Michael is staying with them instead of his mother and according to Lindsey…Debbie is none to happy about it. Just this morning Lindsey called to check on me and after some serious begging she gave me some information on the love of my life.

It seems that he is doing about as well as I am. She told me that one-minute he is laughing and seems to be getting back to his old self…and then the next minute he is excusing himself for long periods of time. I really didn’t want to hear it…but I knew that I must as she informed me that the once loving and vibrant man that we all loved is no more. I could hear the tears in her eyes as she told me how the sparkle and light that always beamed from his deep dark eyes was no longer present. She claims that she is no longer angry with me…but I can hear the underlying anger in her voice and it kills me to know that I have let yet another loved one down. After that we exchanged idle chitchat…but I was just buttering her up for what I really needed from her.

“I need to see him” I blurt out…cutting her off as she rants on about something that Melanie has done to piss her off.

“What?” she questions nervously and I already know that she is biting her lip without even seeing her.

“Please Linds…I need to see him. It’s been almost a month and each day that I wait is another day that he falls more and more out of love with me” I sound like a pathetic loser…but if it means that I get what I want I am just about willing to do anything.

“Brian…you know that Melanie has banned you from the house” she goes on…but I can hear something else there that sets my heart a racing. “However…I don’t think that I told you that Mel and I are going to a fund raiser later tonight and we will be gone until well past midnight…leaving Michael all alone with the kids”

“No…no…you didn’t tell me that…but that is good information to have” I giggle like a schoolgirl…wishing that she were here so I could kiss her a good one. “You know in case someone might need to know something like that” I can’t help the smile that crosses my face as I bid her goodbye and hang up the phone. Looking at my watch I see that I have more then a few hours left to waste before I put operation get Mikey back into effect. I know that I can’t stay here…know that if I do that I will drive myself nuts and so I grab my keys and head out the door. I don’t even know where I am going…but it’s as if I am on autopilot as I pull up in front of Woody’s. It’s barely noon and yet I find myself climbing the steps as if in search of something…maybe even someone. Entering…I find the place completely empty except for one table at the end of the room. She looks up at me the moment that I enter and I know deep down that she is the reason that I am here…no matter how much I don’t want to believe it.

“Right on time…” she smiles up at me as she motions for me to sit. I don’t move as I continue to stand here wondering to myself what the fuck I am even here. “We can do this the easy or the hard way. However…I prefer the easy way” her deep voice continues as she once again points a painted red nail in the direction of the chair she wants me to sit on. I want to fight here but I once again cannot as I make my hesitantly towards her. “Wonderful…now sit because he have several things to discuss”

“I think that I will stand if you don’t mind” I grind out through clenched teeth…placing my hands in my pockets in defiance.

“Look honey…you sit or I don’t tell you about Michael” Immediately she gets my attention as I fall into the cheap leather seat. I don’t know what is going on and what this has to do with Michael…but I know that I have to listen. “That’s better…now give me your hand” I am too stunned to do anything else but as she asks of me as I place my hand…palm up across her out stretched one. She doesn’t say anything for several minutes as my agitation factor begins to grow. Then taking a deep breath she begins. “You’ve lived a hard life Brian” Mysterious Marilyn speaks softly…an underlying tone of pity present that sets me even more on edge. “There is no denying that part of the reason that you are the way you are is because of it. You never felt loved as a child and due to this you placed huge almost impenetrable barriers around your heart…notice I said almost” She goes on…tracing her finger up my outstretched hand. “Michael was the only one that you ever allowed to get close to your heart. There was something about that young boy that spoke to you. Even now you don’t know what it was…just that you needed him and just maybe he needed you just as badly”

“Why am I here?” I ask…breaking her trance as she looks over at me with such a harrowing look upon her overly made up face that it frightens me. “Why did you bring me here?”

“He brought you here. He brought you to me” she speaks in riddles that I feel are driving me closer to insanity.

“This is fucking ridicules” I cry out…slamming my free hand upon the table as I jerk away the other. “Fuck you and your bull shit mumble jumble” I nearly knock the table over in my haste to leave…but once again her words stop me dead in my tracks.

“You leave and you lose him forever…you stay and you may have a chance”

“How the fuck do you know what is going to happen in our lives? How do you know that there is even a problem?” I question angrily…shoving my face before hers and yet she doesn’t even flinch.

“God writes the screenplay my dear…I only act out the parts” she replies…sending my annoyance level off the charts. “I know that you don’t believe in fate…know that you don’t believe in god…but what I do know is that you believe in him” Again I want to fight her…but how can I when she speaks such truths. Falling heavily into the chair I had just exited I once again place my hand atop hers and wait for her to continue. “Thank you…” she smiles over at me before tracing my palm once again. “He’s hurting Brian…hurting more then you can ever comprehend and it’s all because of you. He handed you over his very heart and soul and you shredded it into a million and a half little pieces. You claimed to love him and maybe deep down somewhere inside you did…but it never equaled anything closely to what he deserved. His soul is dead Brian…dead at your ultimate betrayal and if you don’t so something to fix it soon…your dear Mickey will be dead as well. You think that you have come to some great revelation as to how much you love him now…but it will never come close to the love that he feels for you. He’s dying Brian…everyday a little more and you are the only one who can make him whole again”

“How?” I speak barely above a whisper for her words have chilled me to my very core.

“That is for you to find out…but know this time is limited and if you do not complete your task…them Michael will be no more” My heart has stopped beating…my breathing caught in my throat as her forewarning settles over me. I watch in blind fear as she consumes my hand between the two of her own…closing her eyes as a feeling of voided desolation floods my entire universe. Instantly…I know that I am feeling what Michael is feeling as I fight the urge to give into it and let it consume me. I can feel every ounce of hurt and betrayal that he carries deep within his heart. I can feel the tears he has shed over the way that I deserted him. I feel the numbing coldness that has invaded his body…feeling as if he will never feel the warmth of love again. I feel his guilt for believing that he wasn’t man enough to love me the way that I needed. I want to scream out in tortured agony as I read his thoughts of leaving this earth and the ways that he would do it if he tried. I believe I will go mad from the weight of it all…but then something I never thought I would feel again calls out to me. Its minuscule in size and proportion…but it is there regardless and it gives me the hope that I need to prove to Michael just how much I need him. “Remember…time is limited Brian. Prove your love and devotion to him before it is too late”

My eyes fly open in a flash as I feel the weight of her hands disappear from my own…sending my confusion level upwards when I find the place before me void of her presence. It takes me a moment to catch my breath and get my wits about me as I scan the completely empty bar. “What the fuck…” I whisper…looking at my watch and noticing that only a minute has passed since I entered this place.

“Hey Kinney…” I hear someone scream out behind me…nearly causing me to shit my pants. “What the fuck are you doing here? You know that we don’t open until two” Jose’ the owner screams at me from where he is perched behind the bar. “How in the fuck did you get in here anyways?”

“Mysterious Marylyn…” I reply…sliding off the chair as I stumble my way over to where he stands slack jawed before me.

“Mysterious Marylyn died last year in a car accident”

“What…no she was just here. She was telling me about…” I can’t finish my sentence as I run out of the bar as fast as my feet can carry me. I drive home at the speed of light…my mind whirling a mile a minute because none of this makes any sense. I don’t know what to do with myself and yet I still have six hours before I can go to see Michael. I hope that he is fine…hope that I am just losing my mind and that he isn’t in some sort of trouble. I know that I shouldn’t…but I can’t help it as I pick up my cell and dial a number that is extremely familiar to me.

The phone rings what feels like a hundred times before I hang it up…only to call back immediately afterwards. The ringing it driving me mad as I hang up once again and call right back. “Stop fucking calling me asshole” I hear him scream into the phone as I almost hang up after the tenth call.

“Mikey…OMG…Mikey…you’re ok” I cry into the phone with full and complete relief. “I was so worried and…”

“I don’t give a fuck what you think” he cuts me off nastily…before the line goes dead. Tears of relief drizzle down my face…but they are also tears of fear and of possible rejection. I have no idea what I am going to do…but what I do know is that I have to work off some of this excess energy or I will go mad. Rushing into our room I grab my gym bag as I once again head out of the house for a much needed workout.

 

The First Meeting…

I feel as if I am going to jump out of my skin at any moment as I walk the few blocks to the girl’s house. I don’t know what I am going to say…or if he will even listen…but what I do know is that I have to at least try. I have to do something because I hate the fact that he is literally five minutes away from me and yet if feels as if it were millions of miles. I hate that I don’t have him in my life constantly…that I can’t hold him…kiss him…just spend time with him. I miss him more then I every thought possible and I never thought that my life could feel emptier then it has in the past before I know him…but it does. Without my Mikey…I am lost. I am half the person that I should be and it is slowly killing me. I miss his sweet smile and that deep-rooted laugh that goes along with it. I miss the simple things…like sharing dinners with him…doing the lawn work and yes I even miss our cuddle time. Reaching the porch I take several deep breaths before finding the courage to knock on the door. I can hear him call out towards the door that he is on his way…his face growing taunt and pale as he opens it and find me standing nervously before him. He stands there for a moment just staring at me…but then anger flashes across his face as he steps back into the house and attempts to close the door in my face.

“Michael please…” I cry out as I step forward…blocking the door with my arm in desperation.

“You can’t fucking be here Brian” He literally growls…once again trying to shut the door on me…but the bulk of my body hinders this process once again.

“Michael…a minute. It’s all I ask for…please” I am begging and I hate the I am doing it…but for him I would beg for all eternity if it meant that he could forgive me and take me back into his heart.

“You don’t deserve a minute”

“I know…”

The silence about us is deadly as he glares up at me with such hate and spite in his eyes that it causes me to step back for only a moment before I even think about taking a step inside. “Just fucking tell me what you want and then leave asshole” He blurts out…shutting the door slightly so I can’t come in. I lose my train of though in an instant as I just lose myself in the anger and hate swirling around in his normally calming brown eyes. “I mean it Brian…speak or fucking leave”

“I’m sorry…” I blurt out lamely…not even coming close to everything I want to say to him.

“Goodbye Brian…” I hear him say as he closes the door once in my face once and for all…so he thinks. My own anger in check I grab onto the knob and force my way in. He doesn’t say anything because I don’t give him a chance to as I grab onto his shoulders and shake him with all the madness and fear that has been growing inside of me since that strange instance at Woody’s.

“How can you? How can you think about ending you life over something that I fucked up. Jesus Michael…I fucked up. I take full and total responsibility for the mistakes that I made…but that is no reason to even consider ending your life. You have friends…family…your daughter that depend on you and would be devastated to learn that you ended your life because of me” Tears bleed from my eyes as I crush him to my body and thankfully he is too much in shock I think to even fight me. “Jesus Michael…you have no idea how much it kills me inside to know that I brought you to this. I hate the fact that the light that was once so bright in your eyes is now gone. I hate that I broke you heart…because I know because of it you feel you can no longer love the way that you once could. But I am begging you to move past the hurt that I have caused you and be the man that you once were. Everyone misses you Michael…and they think that you will bounce back from my latest betrayal and hurt…but I know differently. I know what you have been thinking Michael…I know that you feel so cold and dead inside that you just want it all to be over. I know how badly you have to fight the urge to end it all…because I am fighting those same demons as well. I’m not worth your life Michael…I never have been and I am begging you to promise me that you will forget about me and how much I have hurt you and live again. You’re such a beautiful person Michael and you have this light that beckons everyone who sees it…don’t let it die on my account” I let him go…almost to the point of losing it completely…but I know that I have to hang on for just a bit longer. “I know this has no meaning to you now…but I truly am sorry for hurting you the way that I did and that despite my earlier words and actions that I love you with my entire heart and soul. It just took me a while to realize it” I can’t say anything else as I literally sprint down the porch stairs…trying to place as much space and distance as I can between Michael and that house.

I pretty much avoid Michael and the entire network of friends that used to mean so much to me after that confrontation. Even Lindsey has stopped calling so much…leaving me even more heartbroken that I have lost my closest friend and ally. I’ve decided to take my own advice and start living again. I’ve thrown myself back into work…taking on several new clients and dazzling them with my brilliance. I work Ted and Cynthia like dogs…but I make up for it as much as I can with money and perks. I just need to keep myself as busy as possible because when I am busy I can’t let my mind wander towards Michael and all the fuck ups I have caused between us. However…the nights are the worst. I don’t sleep much because I think about him constantly. I miss everything about him and the once thought of fucked up life that we shared. I think what I miss most of all is his smile and his laughter. It used to be at the beginning that either one of those beautiful features could ease the savage beast within me…and now that beast lives and continues to grow with wild abandon.

Ted let is slip today…purposely I am sure that Michael has a date tonight. A blind date that Melanie set him up with. I could wrap my bare hands around Mel’s neck for even thinking about that…much less setting it up…but truthfully I know that she could probably kick my ass and at this point in time and I would let her. I beg off work early…giving Cynthia and Ted the night off as well. I can’t concentrate on anything except for the fact that my Michael is going out with another man and if he plays his cards right…fucking him as well. I can’t blame him for needing to find some release…have some fun after the hell that I have put him through…but it doesn’t make the pain any easier to deal with. For a moment I think about taking a trip to the baths…of finding some random trick and fucking the shit out of him…but I just drive past the building I’ve spent so much of my later days in. I haven’t fucked or even much thought about fucking anyone else since Michael left me because it is as if the urge has left my body. After Justin the mere idea of fucking another man that isn’t my husband sickens me. I can’t help but chuckle to myself as a fresh bout of tears pours down my face at just how pathetic my life has become and it’s all because of me and my fuck ups.

I compose myself enough to stop off at the diner to pick up something to eat. I don’t know why I don’t just go somewhere else, but something tells me that I must be at here. My heart stops in my chest the moment that I enter the nearly empty building and find Michael sitting alone…staring out the window as he sips a cup of coffee. I curse the cruel fate that brought me to this place…because despite how much I love Michael and want to be with him…just looking upon him nearly kills me. I take a deep breath before walking over to the counter and placing my order to go. I keep my back towards him…hoping that he doesn’t notice me as I try like hell to pretend that I don’t notice him. The fates must really fucking hate me as I hear my name being called…feel a hand upon my shoulder. Closing my eyes…I take a another deep breath before turning to face the shorter man. He doesn’t say anything at first…just stares up at me with shimmering brown eyes…eyes that seem to be trying to read into my very soul. “How did you know?” He finally speaks on a whisper…tears traipsing down his cheeks as I resist the urge to wipe them away. “How did you know that I was going to…” He doesn’t finish his words and I don’t give him a chance to as I pull him into my arms and crush him against my body.

I want to tell him all about Mysterious Marylyn…but I know that he will think I am making fun. Instead I speak from the heart because even though she was the one to tell me some truths…deep within my heart I always knew what Michael was capable of if broken to his very core. “I know your heart Michael. I feel the same things that you do. Since you’ve left me I’ve wanted nothing more then to end it all myself. We’re nothing when we’re not together and we slowly want to die as well. We share one heart and soul…we always have and we always will” Tears bleed from my eyes as he continues to allow me to hold him…clinging to the back of my jacket as if for dear life.

“I don’t want to feel this way anymore” I hear him speak as he clutches me even harder. “I don’t want to be away from you anymore…but I’m scared Brian. I’m scared that if I give you another chance that this time you will finally succeed in killing me. I don’t know if I am willing to take that chance with you again…and yet feel that as if I don’t then I will die anyway. I just miss you so fucking much Brian” He finally looks up at me…tears covering his pain filled face. “I’m just so confused” He admits as his hand wraps around my neck…pulling me downward until our lips are barley touching. I fight the urge to bridge that distance…because I know that Michael has to be the one to make that decision. He makes one that makes my heart sing as he covers his lips across my own. For the first few moments we just stand here our lips pressed together…but then my body finally realizes that it is getting what it had earned for so long and kicks into over drive. Wrapping my arms even tighter around Michael’s waist I practically lift him off of the floor as I force his mouth open with my tongue…sliding into it’s warmth in joyful exploration. The kiss it glorious…but much to short as Michael pushes me away forcefully. “I…I can’t” He stammers as he wipes his hand across his kiss swollen lips…breaking my heart at the same time.

“I know…” I whisper sadly…my shoulders shagging as I turn to take my leave. I keep praying the he comes after me…but as I reach my car…completely forgetting about the dinner I had ordered…I realize that Michael and I are probably over for good.

“Brian…” I hear him call out to me as I look up and find him standing on the other side of the car with a scared look upon his face. He doesn’t say another word as he opens the passengers door and gets in. I have no idea what he wants or what is going on as I close my eyes for a moment and pray to a higher power that something good comes of it.

“Where to?” I ask…a small grimace on my face as I wait for him to speak.

“Home…” He replies as he turns to look at me with that same look of fright upon his face.

“Michael…are you sure?” I rush out…my heart beating so hard within my chest that I am finding it hard to breath.

“I’m sure…” He replies…turning to look out the passenger window as I start the car and race like hell to the home that he hasn’t stepped into since he last left. No words are spoken from either of us as I pull into the driveway and still none spoken as we enter what used to be our home. He walks straight for the bedroom…leaving me stunned and scared as hell behind him. I know that I have to play by Michael’s rules tonight and do everything that he wants of me and I am more then willing to do that and more if it means that he never leaves me again. I walk into the bedroom and find him naked as the day he was born…laying on top of the comforter of what was once our bed. He doesn’t say a word…but those eyes say it all as he scans my body from head to toe with them. I lose my clothes in a second…laying down on the bed beside him as I wait for him to make the next move. I don’t have to wait long as he leans over and kisses me before sliding his entire body on top of mine. I moan deeply within my throat as our cocks come together for the first time in so fucking long. I have to fight the urge to take control…because this is Mikey’s show and he is the only one to run it.

He is hard and so am I as he intensifies the kiss…exploring my lips and my mouth so thoroughly that he takes my breath away a few times. With each swipe of his tongue…he grinds his lower body against my own. I can’t believe that this is happening…nor am I complaining as he finally releases my lips and begins to nip and kiss his way across my entire body. I lose my load the moment that his teeth nip at my nipple as I fall back, ashamed and embarrassed as I try to get up off of the bed, but a hand on my forearm stops me. “Michael I…” I stammer not sure what words to say to explain how the great one known as Brian Kinney has lost control of himself.

“Brian…” He whispers my name as he places his hand upon my face and forces me to turn and face him. I can help but snort as I look where he is indicating, finding his stomach and thigh covered with his own cum as well.

I smile over at him and somehow I know that things with Mikey are going to be ok now. It’s not something that I can explain with simple words, just a feeling in my heart that as I look into his eyes I know that we are going to make it this time. “You really are pathetic…” I snort as I lean into the embrace that I now find myself in, drowning in those beautiful brown eyes of his that get me every time.

“I really am…” He smiles back at me, leaning forward as he kisses me.

The End…


End file.
